1800 MPG Goes Buzzworthy: 10 Things A 1st Year Ex-Pat in VZ Misses About Home

Hello.

Hope things are going well for you.  The school year is winding down, and we are finally in our last week of extended days (thank God).  I know I get no sympathy from stay at home parents and people that work 10s or 12s, but the extra class hurts the brain.

Big week at CIC, Senior Finals, a variety of celebrations (there seems to be no shortage of them), graduation on Saturday, and the infamous graduation party following.  I was one of the secondary teachers that were "lucky" enough to get invited, so I'm interested to see what it is all about.  Jon and Ryan tell me this is a US graduation party on wealthy Venezuelan steroids. Top end food and booze.  We'll see.

I was really struggling for a subject to discuss in today's blog, but with the help of two conversations I stumbled upon one.  I was talking to Ryan recently about his hatred for the website Buzzfeed ("The hottest, most social content on the web!" - Yep, that's their slogan).  He describes it as low level, lackluster journalism, and another example that we are drifting near Idiocracy.  Ryan uses the fact that 20 ish million people get their news from Buzzfeed as opposed to 12ish million for the New York Times as proof that society is decaying, the end is near, and the Cubs will win the World Series in his lifetime.  Ryan also hates most things. But I do hate the "What type of .... are you quizzes" or "33 actors dogs that have a better life than" you countdowns.

I was then talking to Jon today and we both confessed that while we are looking forward to going to Brazil for the World Cup (and me to Spain after), that we both sometimes wish we were returning to the good old U-S-of-A.  We frequently ask each other, "How much freedom is (insert food, service, or activity) that? What is the first thing you are going to eat when you get back? Or, "You know where (insert problem, complication, or failure) doesn't happen? 'Murica!"

I figured there it is! My blog for the week.

Don't worry Ryan, I won't tell anyone it was your 38th birthday this past Friday and that you were so mad at all of us for telling the kids to wish you happy birthday.  And, that you tore down the birthday sign that we had all signed and put on your library.  I'll leave it out.

Ryan's birthday cake. Designed by Jon including an offensive name (Region Rats) and Ryan's favorite things. 

I decided I would make a Buzzfeed list of the ten things one misses the most as an ex-pat in a third world country near the end of their first year teaching abroad.

10 Things A First Year Ex-Pat Teacher In Venezuela Misses Near the End of the School Year (In no particular order)

1) Running, Drinkable Tap Water

Sounds simple enough right? Wrong, a older colleague of mine hasn't had water in nearly 3 weeks.  My apartment has been spotty at best and I know the neighborhood by Jon and Ryan is awful as well.  Right now I don't water, which is great that I don't have to do the dishes or shower, but is awful because these goddamn ants are everywhere (not just my apartment) and I don't want them to have a party in my sink.  Being able to turn the faucet and just pour a HUGE glass of water is something I'm looking forward to for sure.  I know this doesn't seem like a big deal, but last week I ran out of the big jugs of water we have and my building just randomly stopped selling them.  I had to go find a kiosk that sold it the next day and they wouldn't exchange one of them.  Again, it could be way worse, but nothing is worse than not having water to drink and not being able to shower before going to senior convocation.  Just saying.  

2) Flushing Toilet Paper 

I know this sounds gross and it can be.  Before I moved down here I had no idea that the indoor plumbing here couldn't take it.  I thought everywhere flushed toilet paper, WRONG. Needless to say that on multi-day stays in posadas, warm days, or days the custodians at school are busy,  it's not a great deal.  I prefer flushing then throwing it away into plastic bags and then throwing that out with the trash.  Ok, I'm done.

3) Traffic Rules

You hate stopping at stop signs? You swear that one particular stop light is possessed and stays red for-ev-er? Don't sweat it.  I can't wait to be stopped at a either of those traffic enforcement tools, crank up whatever music I'm listening to, sing along aloud with no shame, and wait for people to move in an orderly fashion.  The daily drives to school and back, as well as the walks to the gym have frustrated me with the bumper-cars-cum-amoeba-cytoplasmic-streaming chaos.

4) Small to Non-Present Lines

Discussed it in previous columns, but the concept of a "cola" (line) is different here.  Longer waits (45min to an hour) in a grocery store, gas station, or bank just isn't cool.  Neither are the employees of those establishments that work at a snails pace or use their phone on the job. 

5) ATM Machine/Banks That Work Consistently

Pretty self explanatory.  The bank website is consistently down, the ATMs frequently are without money, and sometimes the cards won't work as a result of the problems.  Think about it, ATMs without money.  Yeah, it happens.  Also, think about the availability of them in the States.  Finally, think about using it as a debit card and getting cash back.  Yep, be happy.  

Oh, you wanted money? HAHA.

6) Peanut Butter, Chicken, Asparagus, Milk Not in a Warm Box, other Non-Native Foods, and Gluten.

Four words: PBJ's aren't normal here.  [Gasp!] I know, blasphemous! And I haven't seen any in the last month.  Chicken is scarce (at least in my neighborhood markets) and I am scared to drink the milk.  It will be awesome to go home, go to HyVee/Fareway, and load up on veggies and chocolate milk.  I will be Ron Burgandy.

7) Clean Water

I hate showering as much as the next guy, but when I do shower, I want to get clean. The water here (when on, see #1) usually comes out a shit brown color at first and then turns into normal "looking" water.  That "normal" looking water isn't normal.  The treatment facility here isn't designed to filter/clean water for 1.2 million people (or however many) so the water is heavy and leaves your body and hair greasy with a slight film.

8) Variety 

Meat, chips, cereal, veggies, fruit, beer, canned goods, supplies- all of it basically rotates in terms of supply and brand.  The simple fact that you can walk down an aisle and it will be entirely filled with Doritos may be great one day, but when you get bored of them OR can't find soap or toilet paper, than you enjoy the variety that stores in the US have. 

9) Driveable Roads

Clinton has its own problems with giant craters in some of the more dated roads, but none are as bad as here.  I think you could drive US Military Buffalo and still break an axle or pop a tire.  But, I will say the surprise of not being able to see the potholes at night or before they are unmarked in the daytime is like Russian Roulette for you car- every street is exciting. 

I give this baby 2 to 1 odds it goes no more than a month without a problem here. 

10) Family/Home

Being in a different culture for this long is definitely a challenge that has it's various phases.  At this point, most foreign hires are just ready to go back home to the culture we have been predominately raised in.  It's not to say that this or any other abroad culture is bad, it just isn't ours.  There are societal aspects that make my mid-western culture unique and I miss them. Mainly I miss my family, but also the slower, more friendly pace that is spread out across a less dense area.  Being able to speak and understand the people you are surrounded by in public would be nice too.  

Ryan Robinson's Link of Knowledge

The Venezuelan government pays its debt to the airlines...well, some of them.  

Amputations skyrocket due to lack of medical supplies.  

Wives of two ousted Venezuelan mayors win election and replace their husbands.  

Venezuela and Palestine become oil and diplomatic partners. 

Protests aren't over. 

That's all she wrote.  Don't get me wrong, I appreciate all the friends I have made here and the travel's I've had, but I just wanted to reflect on the things I miss from home.

Also, if you have come this far and haven't seen the movie, check out this trailer.  You have to watch it, it's like looking into the future (but hopefully not).

Don't worry next week's blog will be better, as I'll be able to talk about graduation and how it compares to the States

Hope you're well.

Until Next Time,

KRS