“The heart’s memory eliminates the bad and magnifies the good; and thanks to this artifice we manage to endure the burdens of the past. ”— Gabriel García Marquez
Everyone is fighting a battle of their own, but I think this quote helps remind people to draw on those good and positive experiences when you’re navigating a dark or challenging time.
That being said:
“The night is darkest just before the dawn” - Harvey Dent (pre-Two Face)
If you are out there going through that type of challenging
time as the holiday looms, rally your memories, gather your friends, celebrate
your being and keep the technology away.
Engage in real conversation and be there. You’ll feel better and those around you will too. I say this because I am doing this. (I'm not only an endorser, but I'm a client!) Time is our most precious gift; give
yours accordingly. (That was the first time I’ve used a semicolon in a
sentence. English friends did I
use it right, I can never correct my own writing.)
I have now been back for thirteen days and it is getting
weird. I am experiencing a lot of
the feelings I had when I first got down there. For example, I cried a few times today. What, me? I know I can’t believe it
either, but that happened Jack and I was not a fan. I would have never thought that the things that were so
common and normal here could feel so distant and weird. It’s hard to explain so I’m going to
take a bit from Marquette University’s web page on re-entry (that sounds cool,
like an astronaut).
1. BOREDOM
I have just lately started to experience this one. “But of course Kellen, you live in Clinton.” Well my life in Valencia wasn’t exactly a burn the candle at both ends experience. They are actually comparable in terms of day–to-day living. It sucks that most of my friends are still working or in other cities. I don’t think boredom will be an issue, but it sometimes can creep around.
2. NO ONE WANTS TO HEAR
I feel this one a lot. Many people ask about VZ and my experiences. I’m getting good at explaining the jest of it in a short conversation, but I don’t feel it gives the experience and the people full credit. Also, I feel bad when I say something like, “In Venezuela, blah blah. It’s a hard line to understand. In Venezuela (see there I go) when people ask you, “How are you?” they truly mean it. It was a cultural difference that I struggle(d) with. My friends would say that and I would reply “ok or not bad” and they would immediately wonder what was wrong.
3. YOU CAN’T EXPLAIN
I often times provide a short verbal Polaroid of the experience in conversation and then think of how much of a disservice I am causing. I don’t want people to think VZ is a scary, unsafe place or shortchange the culture, but it’s really hard to paint a clear picture. I’m using crayons to replicate a Dali. I don’t think I do a good job and it’s tough sledding.
4. “REVERSE HOMESICKNESS”
I wouldn’t say I’m homesick for VZ, but I do notice sometimes I anticipate a challenge or complication with a task that doesn’t occur. I don’t miss those things, but when you spend the majority of your day navigating them and all of the sudden they are cured, it is weird. I imagine it would be like when a whale loses a remora (the fish attached to them). At first they are like “YEAH, HE GONE!” and then it’s like where did it go? It’s weird to not have it, better this way, but feeling something missing.
5. RELATIONSHIPS HAVE CHANGED
I’ve noticed that I’ve lost my spot or have seen alterations in a variety of social circles, close friendships/relationship, missed the growth of younger pups, and even missed some major life events. It’s been weird to see how people address me and talk to me now. I wouldn’t use the word negative to describe how people have treated me as a result of this experience, though I probably have been negative/difficult/challenging/coarse to people while I was going through things down there. I think some people give me credit or speak to me in disbelief. I feel like an ambassador/politician at times.
6. PEOPLE SEE THE “WRONG” CHANGES
I haven’t seen this in any exchanges yet, but sometimes I feel like I am more eager to have conversations with people then they are to me. Maybe this was from living for half the year where I could only speak to like 10 people outside of my school and am excited to actually talk to others. Oh and people say I’m so skinny now. I’m 165 and what I would consider kind of fit. Apparently, I was a tank before I left. I’ve been slowly taking the knife out of my back in regards to my weight I carried before leaving. Man, tell a brother next time if I’m husky.
7. PEOPLE MISUNDERSTAND
I feel this a lot. Sarcasm is not very common in many cultures in South America and Venezuela is included. The cultures are so different that I feel I have to really switch gears here. I know some of the changes in dress, banter, and interactions that have occurred with me are a challenge to some here. I’ve had several students tell me I’m much different. I dress different, more laid back, speak a little differently, skinny, etc. It’s nothing I do on person to stand out. I guess it’s just the influence of cultural submersion.
8. FEELINGS OF ALIENATION/CRITICAL EYES
I feel this a fair amount. Not the critical eyes section, but rather the alienation. I really don’t feel as home as I thought I would or that I did before I left. Like I alluded to in my last post, I feel like there are a lot of ghosts and memories here that were quick to reappear. My mom and grandma both echoed this to me. “Even when you leave those thoughts and feelings they will still be here as you left them. You think they are going to dissipate or be answered, but they aren’t.” Hemmingway was right. [Shakes fist at Hemmingway]
9. INABILITY TO APPLY NEW KNOWLEDGE AND SKILLS
I wouldn’t say I’m a trove of new knowledge and skills, but I’m also not the unwilling (or able to) old dog to learn new tricks. I think Venezuela has a way of providing problem solving skills, patience, and insight on how to interact with a very different culture. I wouldn’t say I have become a better cook during my time there, but check this out. Assimilation, Jerry!
10. LOSS/COMPARTMENTALIZATION OF EXPERIENCE
While I haven’t been home long enough to experience this I probably would give myself an F grade in maintaining communication with my friends in VZ. I probably would grade myself close to that when I am down there and maintaining with people here. I’m not the greatest communicator, couple that with my nature ability to wall up and isolate myself when I am stressed or depressed and you have a perfect anti-communicator.
I have just lately started to experience this one. “But of course Kellen, you live in Clinton.” Well my life in Valencia wasn’t exactly a burn the candle at both ends experience. They are actually comparable in terms of day–to-day living. It sucks that most of my friends are still working or in other cities. I don’t think boredom will be an issue, but it sometimes can creep around.
2. NO ONE WANTS TO HEAR
I feel this one a lot. Many people ask about VZ and my experiences. I’m getting good at explaining the jest of it in a short conversation, but I don’t feel it gives the experience and the people full credit. Also, I feel bad when I say something like, “In Venezuela, blah blah. It’s a hard line to understand. In Venezuela (see there I go) when people ask you, “How are you?” they truly mean it. It was a cultural difference that I struggle(d) with. My friends would say that and I would reply “ok or not bad” and they would immediately wonder what was wrong.
3. YOU CAN’T EXPLAIN
I often times provide a short verbal Polaroid of the experience in conversation and then think of how much of a disservice I am causing. I don’t want people to think VZ is a scary, unsafe place or shortchange the culture, but it’s really hard to paint a clear picture. I’m using crayons to replicate a Dali. I don’t think I do a good job and it’s tough sledding.
4. “REVERSE HOMESICKNESS”
I wouldn’t say I’m homesick for VZ, but I do notice sometimes I anticipate a challenge or complication with a task that doesn’t occur. I don’t miss those things, but when you spend the majority of your day navigating them and all of the sudden they are cured, it is weird. I imagine it would be like when a whale loses a remora (the fish attached to them). At first they are like “YEAH, HE GONE!” and then it’s like where did it go? It’s weird to not have it, better this way, but feeling something missing.
5. RELATIONSHIPS HAVE CHANGED
I’ve noticed that I’ve lost my spot or have seen alterations in a variety of social circles, close friendships/relationship, missed the growth of younger pups, and even missed some major life events. It’s been weird to see how people address me and talk to me now. I wouldn’t use the word negative to describe how people have treated me as a result of this experience, though I probably have been negative/difficult/challenging/coarse to people while I was going through things down there. I think some people give me credit or speak to me in disbelief. I feel like an ambassador/politician at times.
6. PEOPLE SEE THE “WRONG” CHANGES
I haven’t seen this in any exchanges yet, but sometimes I feel like I am more eager to have conversations with people then they are to me. Maybe this was from living for half the year where I could only speak to like 10 people outside of my school and am excited to actually talk to others. Oh and people say I’m so skinny now. I’m 165 and what I would consider kind of fit. Apparently, I was a tank before I left. I’ve been slowly taking the knife out of my back in regards to my weight I carried before leaving. Man, tell a brother next time if I’m husky.
7. PEOPLE MISUNDERSTAND
I feel this a lot. Sarcasm is not very common in many cultures in South America and Venezuela is included. The cultures are so different that I feel I have to really switch gears here. I know some of the changes in dress, banter, and interactions that have occurred with me are a challenge to some here. I’ve had several students tell me I’m much different. I dress different, more laid back, speak a little differently, skinny, etc. It’s nothing I do on person to stand out. I guess it’s just the influence of cultural submersion.
8. FEELINGS OF ALIENATION/CRITICAL EYES
I feel this a fair amount. Not the critical eyes section, but rather the alienation. I really don’t feel as home as I thought I would or that I did before I left. Like I alluded to in my last post, I feel like there are a lot of ghosts and memories here that were quick to reappear. My mom and grandma both echoed this to me. “Even when you leave those thoughts and feelings they will still be here as you left them. You think they are going to dissipate or be answered, but they aren’t.” Hemmingway was right. [Shakes fist at Hemmingway]
9. INABILITY TO APPLY NEW KNOWLEDGE AND SKILLS
I wouldn’t say I’m a trove of new knowledge and skills, but I’m also not the unwilling (or able to) old dog to learn new tricks. I think Venezuela has a way of providing problem solving skills, patience, and insight on how to interact with a very different culture. I wouldn’t say I have become a better cook during my time there, but check this out. Assimilation, Jerry!
10. LOSS/COMPARTMENTALIZATION OF EXPERIENCE
While I haven’t been home long enough to experience this I probably would give myself an F grade in maintaining communication with my friends in VZ. I probably would grade myself close to that when I am down there and maintaining with people here. I’m not the greatest communicator, couple that with my nature ability to wall up and isolate myself when I am stressed or depressed and you have a perfect anti-communicator.
Ten Things I think:
1) I am frequently cold, but try to not complain too much. It’s just cold for a few minutes going to and from the car and I think it could be much worse. Knowing it’s cold means that you have the ability to get warm. I think we should think of those that don’t complain about the cold, but live it because they have nowhere else to go.2) I think parents, teachers, and workers that rally the Christmas spirit deserve a medal. I remember being a little guy counting down the holiday with rings, getting excited for the Christmas Concert, and break. Even though it’s now “Holiday Break” keep getting kids excited. Even if those kids don’t’ have much, the spirit of giving, thankfulness, and good will can’t be highlighted enough.
3) I think helping people gets more fun as you get older. This week I helped a worker at Goodwill put some items that had either been knocked off or not put back accordingly. We had a funny conversation and he was a good dude. Tonight a HS kid was struggling lugging charts into Hy-Vee (and it was -1231 degrees) I hustled up behind him to help. I also did some cart surfing on the way in. It was the cart that the little kids like (looks like a car or truck), so double style points.
4) I think community members, students, faculty, and families forget how awesome it is that we have high school varsity sports. I announced a wrestling meet and went to a boy’s hoops game with an old teammate this past week. He and I had this conversation, “Weren’t there more people at games and meets when we were in school?” We both agreed yes, but also realize times are different. Social media, easier access to movies, websites, video games, and phones may have caused some people to not attend, but what about the rest? For five dollars you can see true passion, competitiveness, and for a short time, embrace the nostalgia of your childhood lost. It’s a shame. Games and meets used to be a point of emphasis with dinner or gatherings before or afterwards. I can’t help but think people are losing our since of community.
5) I think Christmas music is awesome, but everything awesome has already been written. No more new stuff. I would say lets set up a block of any Christmas music after the ‘80s and call it good.
6) I think daytime TV is loaded with terrible commercials. It’s completely geared to women and has to make them feel bad. If the dude didn’t go to Jared or get the latest washer/vacuum the Mrs. is bound to be wound up before he gets off work.
7) I think I’m kind of nervous about speaking at church on Sunday. The topic is giving, but I’m staying away from money. Many people don’t have much or feel pressured. There is so much more to give in a variety of areas. I don’t have many credentials in the manner so I plan on speaking from the heart. I hope I don’t appear as a holy roller or condescending.
8) I think people need to make cookies with their mom (or family member). I did this week (call me Kellen Crocker) and it has a way of not only making you feel good, but calming. Too much information and expectation for people out there. I prescribe chilling out, making some cookies, eating them, and talking about fun stuff.
9) I think the huge reading list I had set up for myself needs to be amended. I just haven’t been as focused on knocking those books off as I had hoped. I blame it on TV.
10) I think I should do some Christmas shopping. I need an ugly sweater, two gifts to pass, and family gifts heading into Christmas. Number I have: ZERO. Well done sir, well done.
If you’re curious to what culture shock is with a little
more depth check these two sites out.
Culture shock links:
http://www.forbes.com/sites/dailymuse/2012/09/06/home-sweet-home-dealing-with-reverse-culture-shock/
Sorry about the day delay. I went to the hoops game last night with Jones and was too
tired to write when I got home.
Sorry for the lack of pictures as well. This is my old computer and there is hardly any space on it so I cannot upload the new iOS or iTunes thus my picture uploading is nil. Next week when my computer is back, it will be picture city!
I hope everyone is staying warm…or cool depending on what
part of the globe you’re in.
Good luck shopping if you’re not done!
Until next time,
KRS
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